Tomatoes and Japs

[University of Michigan, 2006]

Tomatoes and JAPs

Alone at a table

The empty chair across from me stares.

The tomato from my sandwich tossed aside, unwanted.

I wish I liked tomatoes.

“Three ninety-five,” the cashier behind me says.

When did a meal get so cheap?

No wonder America is fat.

Burger, fries, soda

Or one loaf of bread?

The table wobbles restlessly

Like my unsteady thoughts

Teeter-tottering back

And forth, indecisive.

“F of x equals y cubed divided by two,” one table says.

“1943,” says another.

“The social implications are obvious.”

“But Natasha’s character flaw is her perfection.”

“Number two is false.”

All the right answers to all the wrong questions

The chair is still empty and

I get up to leave.

But I suddenly am glued to my seat

As a group of JAPS walk by.

I can’t help myself, intrigued

I study the species intently.

Tight exercise pants and side ponytails

“Like, oh…my God…”

Jewish American Princess, you amuse me from my chair

Sororities and café lattés

Walking in herds, you terrify small children

Chattering at high speeds

In high pitches, like a flock of birds

Oh, those UGs that you don

On a daily basis, displaying

Your wealth, your princess-like status

Through your big bug-eyed sunglasses

You see the world and the world

Sees you, precious JAP

O precious princess of popped collars

And pearl earrings, plastic is what you are.

Just swipe daddy’s credit card, darling JAP

Your innocence dwells in his eyes alone.